mixed feelings. NYC

I don’t give time to time. Can you see the walls around me, or better yet, can you see me? No, right?!

Look what I wrote about a month ago, there’s no feeling left. Not for this one, there isn’t.

***

You know why I’ve been selfishly holding on to that? Because I was happy out of nothing; no travel, no shopping, no food, no successful business, just us. If only it were that simple…

We did it all wrong from the first moment, but oh, how right did it feel. I cannot not miss your funny dance and hey, my first love was a dancer, so high standards to reach.

Fu**. Just watched a movie on Popcorn. I still remember every second of the night you came over to watch a movie and asked if I have popcorn and I was like, yes, just give me a second. And came back with a bowl of popcorn and your answer ” I meant the program for movies”. Dummy.

Enough with the romance. Sadly, I have to inform you that I don’t know how to travel anymore. It’s a full time struggle to find joy in little things again.

I used to say, I left my heart in so many places. Hell no. It’s all here with me, keeping company all these sleepless nights. I’ve recently been to New York. Back in the days I used to dream about living in a loft in Brooklyn, across the Hudson, living for the sunset over the skyline. Now, it was like meeting an old lover. I had the memories and dreams, but the present emotion was cold. It’s a wonderful city, but I think I’ve finally grown out of it, like a friend of mine said.

A crazy world out there. Waiting for the train in Penn Station took all energy out of me. People are too busy, too fast, too sad.

The subway. I still love riding the subway. Can’t be something easier to use than that! Downtown and Queens, Uptown and Bronx or was it the other way around?! Walking up the wrong street never gets old, does it? Headed to 42nd from the 34th and ooops, up there, in the corner said 33rd!

The bridge, my lovely bridge was cold this time, distant. People rushing, or maybe it was just lunch time?

Walked the High Line now. The view is something, must give it that, but is just a walk path among skyscrapers. Hey, that sounds impressive alone, doesn’t it?

This Rockefeller Center has no color to me apart from winter time. The Christmas tree, the ice rink under the snowflakes, amazing. But else?! Look at this..cooome on.

Central Park was beautiful, so green and natural. Actually managed a couple of nice shots like in the old times.

About time for the craziness of Times Square to stop wowing me. I mean, I feel like home, know where is what. Where my phone beeps for wi-fi or we can find a decent toilet.

What I loved in New York this time? The little neighborhood next to our hotel.

I’ll take one, thank you.

Plus the best pizza ever!

 

***

Did I go too rough on the Big Apple? Promise to fix it on my next trip, it’s gonna be amazing and also something I’ve been looking forward to for years! I did want to share the moment with someone special, but my heart seems to want all the wrong people for as long as I remember.

My heart never wrapped it’s mind around the idea that something is not possible. Or it did, by the time it turned out to be possible. Really hope is not gonna be the case this time.

I’m ridiculous and a mess, was saying someone in a movie I just watched, they got that one right, now. And looking at my pictures I seem quite happy and I’m super lucky. I feel like taking back my bad words about New York and just hop on the next plane, thing I might actually do as soon as I find out when I am off in August. Maybe I just needed a step back and let go of my old feelings and now I can move forward.

Give me a moment. Long one, will come back to you on the matter.

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